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I run the risk of sounding toxically positive or pollyanna-esque in all of this. The reality is, this BLEEP is not easy. Old patterns die hard and mine crop up ALL. THE. TIME. It takes concerted effort to take a breath and believe in God rather than follow my same old fears down well worn paths. Lately, I have been thinking about criticism and just how easy it is.

We are encouraged in school to be “critical thinkers,” but sometimes I think our education system is built on a scarcity mindset. It often seems to be all about what is going wrong or has gone wrong in the world, rather than focused on celebrating achievements in humanity or training the next generation of peaceful warriors to tackle global problems.

Our media teaches us we are not good enough, because if we had any number of products, we would feel better or be better or live better or do better.

Capitalism teaches us that life ain’t easy, that independence at the expense of everything else is essential to survival, and that it’s every man, woman, and child for themselves.

So, it’s no wonder it’s easy to focus on, talk about, or think about what is wrong with the world, ourselves, and each other.

Every spirituality-based or self-help book I have ever read preaches the opposite. Focus on the good, and good will come into your life. I know this to be true, and I don’t really care if it’s actually manifestation or if its just a reframing happening in my own mind because I’m smiling more. The mechanism doesn’t actually matter that much.

Many books on relationships and therapeutic frameworks encourage the same in relationships. Focusing on the positive, using positive reinforcement, and front-loading the positive are all important components of sustaining relationships. But that is far more difficult than it seems, particularly for people raised with any abuse, hardship, trauma, pessimism, negativity, or conflict in their lives (i.e., all of us).

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of focusing on what I do want in life, rather than what I don’t want, but it only just occurred to me that maybe the way to actually get what I want from other people is to not just think it, but say it out loud.

We never see each other becomes I would like to spend more time with you.

You’re not giving me what I need becomes I like when you do BLANK.

I don’t like it when you ignore me becomes I like when people are responsive and show interest in me.

It’s sort of like I-statements, which were developed by Thomas Gordon, but with a manifestation/universal bent. They don’t even have to be aimed at a person or a specific situation, it can just be something we say to ourselves about what we’re really looking for in a partnership or person. I want a man who is responsive and affectionate. I want a woman who listens when I talk to her. In her book, You Can Heal Your Life, Louise Hay writes about very similar things. Basically, if we change our patterns, the people around us seem to change. The same is said to be true in recovery work. It sounds lovely in theory for many of us, but hard to implement in practice.

Fortunately for you, dear reader, I have nominated myself as a spiritual guinea pig, so I am going to test this theory out. I am going to not only think about what I want in life from myself and other people, but start saying it out loud (GASP!) with the most positive framing possible. One can only imagine what kind of positive hell might break loose.

Pray for me.