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I hate forgiveness. It makes me so BLEEPING angry, but I also know it is a fundamental pillar of growth, change, and faith. We can’t really have faith in Good (or God) and believe in the value of our lives if we also don’t firmly believe that all of it, and I do mean all of it, was meant to be. How can we possibly hold onto anger, bitterness, and resentment at the unfolding of events if we also believe they were necessary, part of a spiritual path, or an important part of our destiny? 

Yah. Annnnoooooying.

Forgiveness is a big hurdle for most of us. It feels a little bit like rolling over and playing dead or acting like a doormat. It feels like letting other people get away with garbage priorities, abuse of all kinds, or maybe even murder. It feels heavy and unfair and tastes more than a little bitter. 

I have struggled with it for a long time and carried around unforgiven resentments and my own confusion for equally as long. Carrying around that weight has tinged my life with sadness and maybe even a lack of clarity. I don’t want to let go, because forgiveness feels like resignation, which in turn feels like defeat. 

But I realized yesterday that forgiveness isn’t actually that complicated, like many things associated with faith. We humans, I must say, like to make things so BLEEPING complicated. In reality, forgiveness is simply the removal of judgment. It’s choosing to let go of the past for our own progress and growth, regardless of what events or outcomes. 

Things happened. Choices were made. Actions were taken. What is causing us pain is our judgment about the circumstances and the people, which we still do not understand and we may not ever. I don’t have to like someone’s choices in order to let go and move on, but I do have to let go of my perception of their choices as good or bad, fair or unfair. They made their choices. Period. I don’t have to like it, but I do have to drop my negative interpretation of it in order to move on. The fastest way to move on is just remove myself entirely from the equation. 

Do I have to understand the choices they made in order to remove judgment and go about merrily on my way? Nope. Do I have to love the person or even like them? Not at all. Too many of us think believing in God (or Good) and having faith requires sainthood in order to participate. BLEEP that. That’s a total crock of bullBLEEP. If you think about it, having faith is kind of a selfish act. It’s about saving ourselves no matter what anyone else believes, so that we can forge on and do the best we can. 

When “they” (the royal we of spiritual growth) say forgiveness is not about anyone else, it’s about us, it’s irritatingly true. The only thing holding us back from moving on is an evaluation of the circumstances that caused us pain. If we just put down the judgment, if we just remove our perception entirely from the circumstances, and choose to just accept that someone else’s flaws or poor choices or painful priorities happened, then the choice to forgive was never about reaching a place of liking what they did. The choice to forgive is just about letting go and moving on to greener pastures. We can’t change the past. We can’t change the other person’s choices. We can change whether or not we give a BLEEP. 

It removes the why? And becomes about letting go and saying goodbye. 

BLEEP, that is so BLEEPING cheesy. But it’s cheesy enough to work.