10

Well, times feel a little tough right now, folks.

I have gone through a break up while in the midst of a career change, hence my strong desire to seek faith. Later today, I will be participating in the ancient ritual of ye olde trading-of-stuffs with my soon-to-be-ex partner, and I have been doing a lot of praying for a healthy, happy solution, whatever that means. At Day 10, I’m just testing out having absolute blind faith, and as a sentient human being, I am at least vaguely aware that my own patterns and habits are part of this mess. So, I feel more than ready to just let Good get involved and sort things out for me.

Partner problems? Say no more, God will sort it out!

Finances in shambles? Talk to Good, the Universe has a plan.

I sound like I’m being sarcastic, but I am not. I am leaning pretty hard into believing things can and will pan out, no matter what. The cynic in me thinks this unfettered faith is similar to that of an untreated schizophrenic screaming in the street and might actually lead to similar outcomes (the reality of mental illness, seen in many cities across the country, is a testament to how disconnected our society is from faith in Good). In other words, for people like me, who were raised to worry, fear, and natter over everything that could possibly go wrong, believing in things working out or going right or people showing up in times of need kind of feels, sounds, and looks like absolute insanity.

The hardest part is in-the-moment faith. When fear bubbles up or people tell us something we don’t want to hear or our expected outcomes do not pan out, its easy to follow the rabbit down into the dark. It’s really easy to go there. The dark is so potent, both internally via a set of physiological symptoms known as fight-flight-or-freeze and externally in the shape of media (negative messaging is so prevalent), tainted attitudes or interactions with others, policies and practices in public and private spheres that create four new problems while trying to solve one. When religious or spiritual frameworks talk about living in the light or actually being the light itself, that’s because the struggle is real. Sometimes, it feels like Lord Vader has won.

Humanity has been telling itself stories about good vs. evil for centuries, literally since the dawn of humankind, either in fiction, non-fiction, or spiritual texts (see the work of Joseph Campbell). We spend a lot of time (and these days money on blockbuster movies) warning each other and ourselves about the powers of the Dark Side and the extraordinary feats it requires to have faith, stay in the light, and fight for the Rebellion.

Now, back to the BLEEPshow at hand (i.e., my life). Today is a day of significant uncertainty. I have been trying to force something that just can’t be forced, but at least right now, I feel vaguely serene about all of it, and that’s a testament to the power of believing in Good.