Trust Falls

Two years ago, a book written by Gabby Bernstein changed my life. Since then, the Universe has given me everything I wanted and needed, I BLEEP you not. Don’t get me wrong, the last two years were kind of messy, full of lots of triumphs and also some tribulations, but I asked for all of it. I needed all of it for my own personal growth and development, even the really painful stuff, maybe even particularly the really painful stuff, and I genuinely believe that. 

I asked for a partnership more aligned with my life and goals. I asked for clarity in my path. I got all of it. The partnership was better than any that had come before, but was also a lesson in being careful about what I was looking for. These two years have become about committing to the right path and committing to myself like never before. I got to take a good look at an old dream I had always wondered about and it didn’t work. Now that I know what that life looks like, and I don’t have to dream about it anymore. The blessings in belief are innumerable, even if they also can be painful.  

Lately, I have been working on acceptance as a way to deepen my faith. It’s sort of like trust falls in team building. My faith, so far, has included a lot of looking over my shoulder to make sure God or Good is really there, ready to catch me. It makes the falling messier and the trip down less about letting go and more about cringing, praying to be caught while assuming a hard landing is inevitable. Not really very faithful. I am always caught, but there isn’t a lot of joy in the ride down. 

I think this has to do with a need to let go even more. Gabby assured me, two years ago, that The Universe Has [My] Back and I took a leap of faith to just try and start believing. It has been a messy, somewhat unfaithful road, but I was willing the entire time. I forgot, many days, that faith was available to me, which is often the crux of the issue. Just asking for help is the most important gesture we can make. Instead, I tried to do plenty of the heavy lifting myself and waited far too long before getting God or Good involved, which probably protracted painful situations that otherwise might have resolved themselves with time, patience, and faith. 

This blog is about absolute commitment, because I realized a few weeks ago that I can’t really be baptized by just dipping my toe in the water. A trust fall isn’t really a trust fall if I’m constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure something is there to catch me. It’s only been a couple of weeks, but it has been eye-opening and faith building. I am asking for help far more frequently, and the craziest part is I am getting the help I need.