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Sometimes in life, it’s hard to separate the believers from the non-believers. This is why houses of worship are so useful. People come out of the woodwork and gather together to declare their faith by attending a church, synagogue, or mosque, and therefore self-identify as a person of faith. We become immediately able to connect with them on a different level, because talking about religion, faith, God, Good, or spirituality is finally on the table. 

Meanwhile, for those of us who aren’t ready to or will never be interested in associating faith with a specific set of spiritual tenets, faith is a lot less black and white. I run the risk of being considered an absolute lunatic by talking about my beliefs in most of my social circles, which is regularly sad to me (and probably one of the reasons I am writing this blog). 

While there are some people walking around in bastions of their faith who regularly get to use the words God, prayer, or belief, there are just as many people living in neutral, Godless (or Goodless) spaces, where even talk of generic faith in Good feels like an exercise in outing oneself. Meanwhile, we are an increasingly anxious, disconnected culture with a great many feeling unwell or isolated.

In my view, the one thing the faithless need (beyond faith, of course) is community and the permission to want, need, and value connection. There is so much cynicism, criticism, and self-righteous independence in our culture, meanwhile the need for social bonding in humans has been proven by research over and over again. And one of the major ways people connect is by talking about faith, usually in the context of religion, but ideally it could also include just a positive outlook in the future. 

We can be very hard on people who walk around with “rose colored glasses on.” We frown upon or question people with a “pollyanna-ish” perspective, but… why? Yes, life is hard. But we sure as BLEEP make it harder by being critical of those who seem to like their lives or look for the best in everything. 

I have written about this before, but sometimes I catch myself being the happy bore at dinner parties these days. My life is going so well and I’m so happy about it, I don’t have a lot of war stories to offer from all my trials anymore. Most of my life is tribulation, and the recovering cynic in me is almost annoyed with myself writing that out loud. 

There is probably research out there that shows that most people bond by communicating about hardship, but it does seem important in this day and age to spend more time focusing on what we are excited about, inspired by, what recent successes we have had, what we’re looking forward to, and who we believe in. 

This isn’t to say that we should shirk all responsibility to support one another and never talk about anything negative. There are some people in our culture who never want to hear about hardship. There are some who use independence as a way to dismiss the pain or lack of privilege they cause or ignore in others. 

I’m talking more about seeking connection and community through celebration, rather than commiseration. Finding our people by being attracted to a shared faith in the future, maybe even faith in Good (or God), rather than finding those through which we can live and re-live our traumatized pasts. 

Faith takes a lot of work, but so does living in pain. Community, connection, and relationships are not easy, but neither is isolation, irritation, and self-righteous independence. Talking about faith in a positive future shouldn’t be difficult, but for many of us, it is.

I am going to challenge myself to do a little experiment: I am going to start to talk more openly about my faith in the future, and see what happens in my personal and professional life. Some may choose to go, some may choose to stay, some may be attracted, others may be repelled, but living a more openly faithful life seems to be an important part of the process.

I’ll report back soon.