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The wonderful, incredible, most meaningful opportunity when it comes to finding faith is that eventually everything, and I do mean everything, comes to have meaning. Loss, heartbreak, failure, success, a moment with a friend, a gust of wind, a fork in the road, all of it eventually becomes imbued with meaning. We get to commit to that interpretation of our experience, which is far better and more hopeful than walking around feeling like nothing has meaning.
For example, I am going through a period in my life where I am somewhat alone, but then again, I have spent my entire life feeling a bit isolated (childhood trauma, cough, cough). I have fought that feeling my entire life, acting like a deranged golden retriever, going to great lengths to be included or feel wanted or connect with or entertain others. I am tuckered out.
I was washing dishes today and it suddenly hit me - well, maybe not suddenly - I have spent years returning to faith over and over and over again, even in enormous amounts of pain and confusion and faithlessness, but that commitment to faith that I can believe in Good (or God) and make meaning out of my life brought me to this real understanding, suddenly, immediately, irrevocably:
If we are going through a period in our lives where we are lonely, or if we feel isolated, that isn’t confirmation that we are unworthy of having connections, or love, or people, it means we need to learn how to be happy on our own. We need to learn how to live fulfilling lives whether or not we are invited to the party. We need to enjoy ourselves even if we do not understand or agree with our BLEEPING friends or families or people. We need to figure out how to enjoy our own company. We need to learn how to make connection, how to build community, how to network for real.
Isolation is not proof of our lack of value to others. It is an opportunity to prove our value to ourselves. It is a chance to build a skill set for making real connections and filter out those who do not share our values.
I have heard this message before, but I think the difference is that I realized that all of us will probably continue to be alone until we genuinely learn this lesson. Once we embrace and believe in the value of being alone, that power other people have had over us will fade away, the lesson learned, the dynamic finally changed, and, I’m willing to bet, prayers for real connection, presence, community, and family will be answered.