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I think one of the wonderful things about faith is that in some ways it limits our options and in other ways it allows us to flourish beyond our wildest dreams. We become more open to the possibility that good fortune belongs to us and more willing to accept when doors close or the Universe tells us, in no uncertain terms, NO.
Why is that?
Perhaps we’re all “dependent personalities,” as labeled in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), and we need some other entity (i.e. God) to remove a little of all the exhausting “choices” we have in American culture. “Dependent” appears to be a pejorative term these days, meanwhile one could make the argument that the American obsession with independence is ruining the fabric of this country, poisoning marriages, and causing a mental health crisis, particularly in men. I’ll save that discussion for another time.
Maybe it’s that we all could benefit from some decent parenting, and operating in a life where sometimes we get told no is actually quite good for us. The number of times when a situation has not worked out (a job, a relationship, a move) and I have breathed a sigh of relief a year later that I didn’t somehow wander further into what clearly would’ve been a quagmire are too numerous to count. I have basically agreed with every single one of the Universe’s decisions for me, even while fighting it tooth and nail to get my way at the time.
Which leads me to wonder if there is a way to listen better the next time. I sort of believe that some, if not all, of us have to make our mistakes as part of our journey to finding faith. Like wild horses, there is no other way to get us to calm down, sit still, and listen to the possibilities of the universe than for us to be broken into it. The only reason this is a bit unfortunate is because all that bucking and thrashing around resisting is a little bit exhausting for all of us.
Looking back at all my miseries, there were clear signs I should not have ventured forth regardless. You know the people who are walking around just gliding through life, smiling, getting everything right? I only have crossed paths with one or two, they are like unicorns, but I do think they are just naturally better at listening to the Universe. They just have faith, they operate as such, and their lives just unfold naturally. It’s not that they don’t try and fail, but they may be just more drawn to success and green lights than the rest of us. Some of us are born into darkness and have to fight our way to the light. Some of us choose darkness because it’s all we know. And some of us are just born in light and live there. There are also those born into light that choose darkness.
Each path is our own, and I know I’m running the risk of getting too metaphorical, talking about horses and light. What I mean to say is, finding faith and experimenting with it is quite lovely and hopefully we get better at it over time as our faith builds.
Dan Gilbert writes and talks about the ability for the human mind to embrace circumstances that we are stuck with, and very often we turn to God to pray for things to be different, and those prayers go unanswered. The truly faithful respond to unanswered prayers with “welp, it is as God wills it.” That used to make me crazy, but actually, it’s kind of nice. Those problems are not my problems any more, they belong to God. Good removed insanity from my life. I don’t have to fight for things that clearly don’t belong to me. I am not going to get my way this time, and maybe, probably, obviously that’s for the best. Whether or not that’s just my brain cranking out some “synthetic happiness” and doing some serious reframing (as seen in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) doesn’t matter, as long as I make the most of the Universe telling me NO.
And on the flip side, we are more likely to embrace opportunities when backed up with a little faith. God opened a door for us, so we might as well go in and take a look around, right? If the Universe says yes to something small, and we allow ourselves a little bit of hope that it belongs to us and we are worthy of it, we might just take the bait. We might just start pursuing a passion where we were once of afraid of failure because we were overwhelmed by the idea of doing it all alone. We might go on that blind date that seems serendipitous or take a job and actually feel like we can handle it.
Good parenting is authoritative, ready with a NO when an endeavor is ill advised, but equally ready to support growth, resilience, optimism, and challenge. There is nothing wrong with depending on that kind of support and patience, just like there’s nothing wrong with trying on faith for the first time. We’re not going to get our way all the time, but we will grow and change with support we can depend on.