6

I was standing in my kitchen this morning feeling a bit miserable about my life. As a grown BLEEP adult who has returned to graduate school and is living on student loans, my finances feel disastrous. Looking around at my mid-century kitchen in dire need of an upgrade, I was overwhelmed by and acutely aware of the time and skillset required to do the work myself or the resources necessary to hire someone else to do it. My relationship is full of negativity, trapped in a pattern of who-did-what-to-whom or I-need-this-you-don’t-give-me-enough-of-that. It’s easy to feel downtrodden. But, standing in my kitchen, I realized the solutions are not up to me. It is not actually my problem anymore. It’s up to Good to sort it out, and Good will if I allow it.

So, I picked my chin up, marched out of my horribly wallpapered kitchen, and got back to work on this and other things, on being a conduit for Good, rather than dwelling on negative perceptions of myself, my home, or my partner. What is the point in all that negativity? What does it get me, other than more of the same? The whole point of this exercise (i.e., this writing) is building faith; it is operating as if I have faith in God/Good no matter what and seeing what happens… Pray for me.