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A few weeks ago, I prayed to release some old, negative patterns and anything or anyone tied to them. At the time, I wasn’t really sure what I was getting myself into, but that has been true with faith generally speaking. I am all-in on this wild ride at this point, because it really has been a delight. But within a week or two of that original, somewhat grand gesture of faith, all those chickens came home to roost. I BLEEP you not.
People and patterns I haven’t had to deal with in years arrived in my life as if summoned by a mystical, mischievous spirit. I wouldn’t quite call the situations “tests.” That’s a bit of a stretch or misnomer. It was more like an affirmation: You can handle this. You can give this up. It’s time. See how bad this is for you? You’re ready.
Maybe I’ve been listening to too much positive self-talk. Maybe this faith BLEEP really is working for me and I just finally believe in my capacity to handle hardship. Or maybe I just feel better and different now, so I am unwilling to go down the same, old, miserable, well worn paths because I know where they take me. And maybe with faith, I also feel like the road less traveled might actually be a grand adventure I can handle, rather than a daunting journey full of only new hardships.
I am happy to report that these old, negative patterns are no longer. With a fair amount of grace and ease, I just chose not to partake, which is insane when I recall how much I struggled with them in the past. I once felt very much at the mercy of external circumstances or my own internal turmoil, and I am happy to report that is just no longer the case.
Don’t get me wrong. Other mistakes will be made. I am not perfect nor is my quest for faith. There has been a lot of trial and error over the last two years. A lot of faltering, confusion, and missteps. This blog is only a record of sixty plus days of real commitment. Before that, I had many false starts. But I do think it has all been building to a core belief that I am worthy of and destined for Good if I continue to believe. If I work with faith, it will work with me to build a better, happier, healthier life. That’s kind of all I’m after.