18

Worry and fear take up a lot of time and energy. Lately, whenever a fear or concern comes up, I have taken to just telling myself “The Universe will take care of it.” I have been refusing to go down a path of negativity related to the situation and I have even been saying a little prayer for everyone involved. In the moment, it feels like work or something new, but after the fact, I find I have a lot more time on my hands. If Good or God or Whatever-You-Want-To-Call-It is going to sort all this out for me, I better find a new hobby.

I have always been fascinated by people with hobbies, like putting model trains together or knitting. Where do they get the patience and fortitude to sit still and focus that long, when there are so many things to worry about in life? As someone who has worked quite a few low wage jobs, having time and resources for sewing my own clothes or making furniture has always been a bit of stretch.

There is significant research demonstrating the ties between socioeconomic status, stress, mental health repercussions and the development of disorders like ADHD. What may not be studied as much is that, anecdotally, it seems like people who grow up with limited resources often choose jobs that are low wage and high stress because it is occupying. Certain roles, while lower wage, are higher demand and require more movement, more preoccupation, and a bigger time commitment. This often feels better than sitting still at a desk or in a classroom, even if sitting still eventually means earning a higher wage. My point is that it is hard to sit still living in constant, often self-inflicted stress. It can feel better to keep moving, even if that movement is to our detriment in the long run.

Now that I have allowed myself the opportunity to just believe that life or fate or the Universe or God will sort out my problems for me, I have a lot more time on my hands. Since I am forcing myself to just wait for that eventuality and assume it will be for the best, I’ve started carrying three books in hand. Worried? Say a prayer, read a few pages. In angst over someone? Say, “The Universe will take care of it” and read a few more pages. Heart a little bit broken? Say a prayer for anyone who has hurt me, and, you guessed it, read a little bit more.

It turns out, changing behavior is kind of exhausting. It requires a different kind of vigilance. But it’s no more tiring than making the same mistake of letting me get involved, trying to correct a problem I had a hand creating in the first place.

I think our American obsession with bootstraps and grinding has made us all a little too fiercely independent, a little too unwilling to rely on others and the Universe, and its created all kinds of disconnects in families, relationships, workplaces, and within ourselves. We need to be willing to reach out, ask for help, and see what happens. We cannot do all of it alone. Yes, being completely independent feels safer or more manly or feels like something we can hang our hat on, but it’s often at the expense of the inclusion and enrichment of lost parts of ourselves and others. It removes the Universe and faith in God or other people from the equation, and it often creates a whole other set of problems we then have to buckle down and solve. And our healthcare system is freighted with people dealing with the physical repercussions of going-it-alone.

That way of life is very occupying, but not very interdependent. It leaves very little time for fear or worry, but also leaves very little time for love, family, partnership, togetherness, or building model trains or airplanes. We need to start believing that there is nothing wrong with asking for help and including others, whether it be family or faith. Our goals and dreams and worries will probably benefit, rather than suffer, from many hands making lighter work. I hope to report that the outcomes are also better soon. In the meantime, I have some reading to do.