Everything Happens for a Reason, My BLEEP
When I first started out on my journey to find faith quite some time ago, there was plenty about spirituality that made me extra bitter. I would imagine, if you are reading this here blog, the same may be true for you, Dear Reader.
There are so many saintly expressions that sound great on paper, but are BLEEPING unfathomable to those of us in a lot of pain and searching for faith. And these expressions are really unfair, because they come from the teachings of people who have spent years, decades, lifetimes achieving a place of zen, while those of us reading them looking for help or guidance are functioning with a grand total of six, maybe seven minutes of faith or spirituality of any kind and just trying to keep our BLEEP together.
Sayings such as:
Live and let live.
Let go and let God.
Be here now.
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
Everything happens for a reason.
That last one, man… Saying Everything happens for a reason to anyone who has lost a loved one or gone through heartbreak recently is like asking to get your teeth punched in. It’s just plain ill advised. I used to HATE that expression. It felt smarmy and cruel and fake, just for starters.
Now that I have some spirituality under my belt, I would like to offer my interpretation of the phrase for those of you willing to listen. I don’t think the expression Everything happens for a reason is about logic or rationale. It’s not suggesting there is rhyme or reason or a why beneath grief, loss, or heartache.
Instead, it seems more useful to believe that everything happens for a reason is about finding meaning in the wreckage of loss or grief. We lose the love of our life, the reason is not because some bearded wizard in the sky needed their soul upstairs. It is that we must make meaning out of their loss, somehow, someway, in order to keep moving forward in this lifetime. We lose a child to a grave illness, the “reason” is not because we should’ve done more or tried harder to save them, but that we must create meaning out of their short time here on Earth, so that we can endure for ourselves and for those who remain.
When I started exploring faith as a possible solution to all my ailments, this was a sticking point for me. I had to give myself permission to reach for faith beyond the confines of religion, beyond the limitations of modern language, beyond the assumptions of American culture. Faith is a big idea when examined through a relatively simplistic lens. At a bare minimum, it’s just believing that everything is going to work out, even when things go wrong. And sometimes, they go very, very, very wrong.
Everything happens for a reason somehow implies that we or those we love had it coming or somehow we could’ve done more to stop it, whatever it was. God or Good is not a punishing God or Good in my view. It just is Good, and the more we believe, the more we have access to it. The more meaning we make of our hardships, the better we survive them and the more Good we can do after or perhaps because of them.
In reality, the expression should probably not be: Everything happens for a reason, and instead would be much improved (imho) if it were reversed: Create meaning out of everything that happens…. Or wait, no… maybe this is better: Everything happens to create meaning.
Because isn’t that what we all want and need in our lives? To make sure our time here is meaningful?