Growth is Hard
Growth is hard… I’m sure many of the cynics out there are choking on their own sarcasm right now. Well, thank yoooouuuu, Captain Obvious. Every business psych-up meme on the planet already reads, Growth is hard. If it were easy, everyone would do it…yada, yada, yada. blah, blah, blah.
But why is it so difficult?
Whether we are aware of it or not, we operate in systems that require us to remain the same. They may be external systems, like families or jobs or communities, or they may be internal systems, like the stress response or our faulty memories or anxious, self-limiting behaviors.
It may be hard to change our spending habits, because we have internal reward systems that resist the behaviors required to save. We may have family systems that expect us to keep acting like a clown at parties, making jokes at our own expense to make others feel better. We may have friend systems that thrive on tearing everyone (including ourselves) down with backbiting gossip and negativity. We may have a self-soothing system that is slowly killing us through stress eating or screen time, but at least it turns our brain off for a while.
If we change, those systems inherently have to change, and that’s when BLEEP gets UN.COM.FOR.TA.BLE.
One thing I realized recently is that if you stare at a plant long enough, you still won’t see it grow. I don’t care if you are the Dalai Lama, ain’t nobody sitting still that long. Growth is slooooow and done through teeeeeeeny, tiiiiiiny, little increments. I have actually incorporated a considerable amount of growth into the last few years, but it has been BLEEPING brutal and I’m not sure anyone can tell but me.
Have I erased all my bad habits? Crikey, no!
Am I cured of all my stress? No, but I can attest that it has significantly diminished in the most unexpected ways. I have a better relationship with my emotions now than ever before, but that has also forced me to face some pretty painful BLEEP.
Part of the reason growth is such a challenge is because it requires consistency, commitment, and faith. We have to keep choosing the better path, the newer path, the path with zero promises of a different outcome. We have to keep choosing the belief that it has to be better than the HORSEBLEEP we just stepped out of.
A perfect example of this is when I once had to set boundaries with people in my life who were causing serious harm. It’s funny how kids that come out of trauma don’t even know they’re allowed to tell people NO. We will endure so much more (and paradoxically, so much less) than the average person, because the standard for what is poor treatment is so much lower. Meanwhile, our nervous systems are shot. It’s not a good time.
Once I figured out that I was allowed to say, “nope, no mas” and did so, my life immediately started to glimmer with new potential and healthier energy in the form of healthier people and healthier opportunities in my life. Things didn’t change overnight, but I got a whiff of what was to come and it was so much better than where I had been.
I am definitely not promising instantaneous change as soon as anyone attempts to have a little faith. That is basically the opposite of the point I am trying to make here. All I can say is keep plugging away and keep having faith. As we fortify ourselves with belief in something Good (or God), we start to prioritize ourselves, make different (i.e., healthier) choices, and have the strength to remove sources of pain. The Universe or Life or God sees those Good deeds and starts to align with our new standards for ourselves. How can it not? It seems so simple in hindsight, but it’s so hard to trust when we’re in it.