The Tribe That Jives Together, Thrives Together
A very important part of having faith is slowing down, which is nearly impossible for all of us in this high velocity day and age. Still, it is important and it’s easier when we have even a little bit of faith. If we can force ourselves to slow down, we have the chance to practice mindfulness. We can actually pay attention, be in our bodies, and maybe even savor the good stuff.
An oft forgotten component of mindfulness is non-judgment, which is just laughable for many of us. Our culture is so critical, judgment seems to be the default response to pretty much everything. The reality is, if we spill some milk, the milk on the floor is neither bad nor good, it’s just on the floor now. The same could be true for everything else in life if we could just slow down enough to suspend judgment, but that takes a lot of practice… like, a lot.
It occurred to me recently that it’s almost impossible to suspend judgment or avoid criticism if we feel unsafe, and many of us - nay, most of us - deep down, feel terribly unsafe. We don’t even know what safety or security is or what it feels like, let alone how to cultivate it for ourselves. This is the result of many things: inter-generational trauma, a caustic culture bent on destroying itself, class, race, and gender wars, every-man-for-himself capitalism, you name it. The things fostering insecurity and unwellness in America right now is a very long list. Let’s face it, we all need to be in therapy. Thanks, Uncle Sam!
The optimist in me feels obligated to note that there is an equally long list of ways to achieve security and wellness, they just aren’t as in your face! as, well, America is. The reason therapy, meditation, and healing take place in quiet spaces is that we have to get quiet, we need to focus, we have to practice, we need to create security within in order to walk around feeling safe in an unsafe, unjust, dark-hearted world.
An important question to ask ourselves is (and I have mentioned this before): What is the opposite of insecurity? Most people say confidence, but in reality it is security. It’s hard to feel confident if we feel unsafe. What creates safety? There are individualists out there who think we all have to create it on our own, but that just isn’t the case, and that attitude is probably why our culture is tearing itself apart at the seams right now. Genetically, we are group-oriented primates, and the tribe that jives together, thrives together, according to group selection theory. Tribes where individuals prioritize themselves eventually fall apart and, well… Welcome to America, circa 2025.
In reality, suspending judgment is difficult if we feel unsafe, but many of us are all feeling the collective strain of being isolated and disconnected. It’s time to start creating safety within and around us - being that kind, supportive voice internally that we know we deserve, suspending judgment of others, and avoiding harsh or critical environments as best we can. This means many things: changing jobs if the culture is nasty or unsupportive, removing our financial support from leaders or business owners who treat people poorly, spending money in environments that foster community or connectivity, reconsidering our relationships if they do not share our priorities or values.
Our culture seems to be craving security, which makes a lot of sense, given how collectively anxious and angry we all are. It’s hard to be nonjudgmental when there is no safety, but if faith has taught me anything, it is that security starts with us. Choosing kindness over cruelty. Setting boundaries around behavior that harms us and the human tribe. Participating in community, rather than staying home and paying attention to the cruelty online. It can mean different things to all of us, but part of having faith may be believing we can have an impact, based on the priorities, choices, and behaviors we choose.