In the Quiet

Faithless people find calm, quiet, or contentment deeply unsettling, which is why we are always starting BLEEP. It’s a double-whammy, because we both lack the internal resources to stay calm and fear the quiet so much we would rather conjure a problem out of thin air than run the risk of one cropping up all on its own. Ahhhhh, the narcotic of trying to control chaos (i.e., life). 

I think this may be in part because Adverse Childhood Experiences (or ACEs) often tune the brain up for lifelong frenetic activity. Having been through a lot, we expect to continue to go through a lot. We want, and maybe even need, to be stimulated, particularly if we don’t ever develop any internal capacity for self-soothing. It turns out the adages about children and publicity are true; any attention, even negative attention, is still attention, just like any publicity, even bad publicity, is still publicity. 

And what about all those folks walking around thinking, Well, I didn’t have any ACEs. I had a perfectly pleasant childhood. Why am I such a nut? 

I happen to think that faithlessness is one of the underpinning ailments of anyone suffering from anxiety, depression, or any other modern American mental health disorder. It’s easy to walk around lacking faith while living in our current culture. It’s even easier to feel that way if you’ve been through something traumatic as a child. So, even if you had a perfectly sunny childhood but are still stressed the BLEEP out, this blog is for you. 

But, back to the matter at hand: there is something about the quiet of faith that is very, very hard for many of us - most of us, even. My life is pretty lovely right now on many levels. Things are turning up aces (not ACEs, but aces, just to be clear) and I have a lot of love, support, kindness, generosity, well being, beauty, abundance, family, friends, and meaningful work in my life. And in such conditions, which some might consider enviable, I have to basically force myself to stay calm. I have to stop myself from starting BLEEP or seeing problems in the people or circumstances around me. 

It is hard. It is not easy. 

In some ways, I am praying more now than ever. I am doing the opposite of witchcraft. Instead of grabbing things off shelves or skinning cats or rattling bones and making a stinky witches brew, concocting problems out of thin air or trying to peer into a crystal ball to predict the future, I’m just holding still and smiling and trying to get right within myself to just BLEEPING enjoy it. 

Will the shoe drop? Yes, of course, but I don’t need to watch and wait for it. 

Will the BLEEP eventually hit the fan? Potentially, but I refuse to turn the fan on.

I’m not sure what the opposite of Murphy’s Law is, but I am living in it. 

I am so tired of the doomsday prepping that goes along with lacking faith. To be honest, despite some acute heartache and some vexing personal and professional problems, the last two years have been the nicest, quietest, calmest, loveliest of my life. The best part is, I can say that out loud without fear of jinxing it or BLEEP going wrong or getting the yips, because I have FAITH. I believe in Good now, and I believe that I am worthy of it. 

You should try it some time! But, if you do, an important layer is just try to stay calm and enjoy it.