Man, This Faith BLEEP is Craaaaazy

Man, this faith BLEEP is craaaaazy. Like, in a good way. I can’t tell you how much I gain from absolute disasters. I can’t tell you how good I feel about the next lesson coming or the one I just learned. I attribute all that resilience to my faith. For the first time in my life, I feel excited about not knowing what will happen next, rather than worried about it. 

Do I experience pain? Oh, yes, no question. And maybe even more exquisitely, because I allow myself to really sit in it, because I know there’s an end, a way out, a place I can go to in prayer and meditation to ask for help. 

I recently grasped onto this concept of surrender for real. I’ve never quite understood it before, but something about the divine timing of something someone said to me and heartache made it really sink in. I feel like a giant church bell was wrung with my skull. DOONNNNG…

Or maybe, more fittingly, DUUUUUHHHHHHHHHH. 

I am just surrendering everything. The faintest whiff of worry or trying to plan the future or not knowing all the answers and BING! Surrendered! 

I surrender this! I surrender that! I surrender him! I surrender her!  I surrender all of them!

It’s lovely and it feels very real. It feels like I am submitting my problems, my life, my future, to the care of God (or Good) and it will all be cared for. I am literally not even praying for things I want anymore, because I’m not even sure why I want anything right now. All my motivations are suspect and I also am starting to trust that it’s better if Good (or God) is involved much earlier in the process (preferably from the start).

It’s feeling very good to just see what happens next, to believe life has really lovely surprises in store for me. It feels wonderful to have faith. I honestly can’t wait to see what happens next.