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One of the interesting things about faith is that there will be tests, but we need not study. Rather, the most important part of the experience is the review after the test. 

Did I keep my BLEEP together?

Did I turn to Good (or God) with my problem?

Did I pray at all in the moment? 

Never fear. The answer to those questions is almost always No. Nope. Not at all. No BLEEPING way. And after recently encountering a pretty significant test, I think, perhaps, that I know why. 

I suspect it is because tests of faith aren’t an opportunity for God (or Good) to fix anything. Instead, it is an opportunity for us to slow down, reconnect with spirit, and ask why it is happening. If everything happens for a reason and we are on a path with Good (or God) toward Good (or God), then why the heck would something happen in our lives to really piss us off? (Side note: is piss a BLEEP worthy word these days? I’m honestly not sure.)

I really wish that I had the spiritual presence and temerity to stop, pray, and just release the problem to God, and then move on from it like a gracious saint. But I certainly DID NOT. I won’t say I had a temper tantrum, but it was close by adult standards. I had a low grade freak out. I was thoroughly PERTURBED. 

The only thing I will say about the situation is I handled it better than the last kerfuffle and so did the other person involved, which sounds like nothing, but is actually really saying something. 

In the therapeutic world, there is a principle called Distress Tolerance. I think it comes originally from Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which was created to address fairly complex “personality disorders.” Distress tolerance is basically our ability to handle or endure negative emotions, how we move through them, and how we recover afterward. In my view, everyone could benefit from a little more distress tolerance and our world is sorely lacking in it generally speaking.

Sadly, neither faith nor therapy can completely erase negative emotions or experiences. But both provide opportunities for us to take a step back, pay attention to our emotions, and choose how to handle them. Invalidating them isn’t good for anyone. Stuffing them into a box rarely works out. Blasting them at others like water from a firehose I do NOT recommend. Eating food or taking drugs or exercising excessively to avoid them is… counterproductive. 

In reality, naming our emotions, seeing the situation and our internal experience as a passing storm, taking deep breaths, saying very kind things to ourselves, and maybe, just maybe, saying a prayer is often the simplest, best thing we can do to change our experience and soothe our emotional selves.

This process is something people have the most difficulty with and really have to practice, particularly saying very kind things to ourselves. Humanity seems to be great at narcissism or self-flagellation, but pretty garbage at self-compassion, self-acceptance, and self-love. One of the best things we can do is be kind to ourselves. I have reached a place where it’s basically impossible to have self-esteem if we don’t first practice self-love. How can we possibly think well of ourselves if we can’t even be kind and loving toward ourselves first?

There are some people who think emotions are useless, a waste of time, or a bunch of poppycock. In reality, rational thinking and emotion cannot and should not be separated from each other. 

In 1994, António Damásio wrote a book called Descartes’ Error, which revealed important research on the necessity of emotion in rational thinking. People with injuries to the brain in areas used primarily for emotional thought fail in important tests related to rational thinking, because they now lack insight. In reality, decisions without emotional input put us in grave danger, make us incapable of predicting the future, inhibit our ability to incorporate others into our choices, and create a host of other problems that rational thinking alone cannot prevent. 

This is a relatively long-winded way of saying that God (or Good) doesn’t expect us to be perfect once we begin to experiment with faith. On the contrary, we will probably screw up more because it sure ain’t easy trying new things. The important part of faith is that we start acting as if we believe that life can and will get better, often for the first time for many of us.

That’s the crux of every test: Do we have faith that such trials are an opportunity to do things differently, try something new, make different and perhaps even better choices, and connect with God and/or others? Put another way: reframing a predicament into an opportunity is kind of the entire point. 

And what a relief to frame every BLEEPup as an opportunity to strengthen our faith, rather than just another BLEEPup.