Pray for Thine Enemies?

There’s a particularly annoying expectation in spiritual practices all over the world, which is that we arrive at such a place of saintliness that we are capable of praying for our “enemies.” In this day and age, even the word enemies seems a bit silly. No one is challenging one another to a duel or doing any jousting, although no doubt many of us would like to. Lord knows I wouldn’t mind the occasional neighborhood joust. 

These days, our conflicts take shape in the form of having bitter spats with our partners behind closed doors, yelling at random strangers across fast food counters and recording it, or epic instances of road rage. Somehow, modern life feels both much more exciting and insanely dull compared to medieval times. I must confess I occasionally long for a life without electricity or car insurance payments, but who doesn’t… amiright?

There’s a useful concept in the world of mental health called distress tolerance, which we are collectively lacking right now. If having an insane argument over chicken nuggets doesn’t smack of an inability to tolerate distress, I don’t know what does. 

Many of us are walking around acting like we know what’s best and we know everything, often to mask significant insecurities. Both attitude ailments come from the same place - the Age of Information. Of course we all think we know everything - we can find any tidbit to support our point of view, accurate or entirely incorrect, written, spoken, or acted out with authority online.

We also are collectively incredibly anxious and insecure, because advertising and social media keeps telling us about all the things we could and should have. It keeps showing us people whose bodies, beauty, or living establishments are better than ours, while we struggle with the basic requirements of adulting - job, mortgage, partnership, children. 

My advice? From one giant know-it-all to another (wink, wink), we can forget about saintliness when we’re struggling. We can pray for thine enemies later, once we get the hang of it. It’s important to practice praying, and it’s okay to pray for ourselves first. In fact, I’m starting to believe that self-compassion is the underpinning of all good things. 

Think about it. How can we possibly give and receive love if we don’t even know how to be kind to ourselves? Some of us don’t even like ourselves, yet we’re all trying to maintain relationships with other people. Talk about putting the cart before the horse.

Prayer is a form of self-compassion. Praying for the things we want and need is an act of looking out for ourselves. Praying for God (or Good)’s will for us and then just looking forward to the answer is an act of building faith and hope for the future.

Sure, we can include others in our prayers, but we don’t have to. We definitely don’t have to start out with praying for the people we can’t stand when we don’t have any experience with asking the Universe (or God, or Good) for things we want and need. That’s like putting the oxygen mask on someone else in the airplane and passing out before you get to yourself. That is pouring from an empty cup. 

Worst of all, many of us are operating as our own worst enemy, doubting ourselves, second-guessing everything, sabotaging opportunities, or seeking fulfillment and validation from others. If you’re going to pray for an enemy, pray for the enemy within first. Pray to God (or Good) for peace, comfort, compassion for yourself, and see what happens.

The first war to win is the war within.