We Don’t Have to Maintain the Lie

One of the most wonderful things about finding faith is all the (eventual) self-acceptance that goes along with it.

Think about it.

How can we possibly believe in Good (or God) and have faith in a positive future if we don’t also believe that everything that came before it - all the misery, all the doubt, all the self-flagellation, all of our experiences, all of us - was an important part of the journey that brought us to faith?

I’ve said this before in different ways, but repetition in life and faith is key - as in, it unlocks the door kind of key - so I’ll say it again. As potential, budding faithfuls, we all get to have our moment of reaching a crossroads where we choose to have faith in God (or Good).

That choice inherently implies that there was a road at all and we chose one route when we could’ve chosen another. If the road is real and integral to our moment of choice, then so too is all the bumpy, potholed, rain soaked, BLEEP travel that came before it. It brought us here, to faith, and for that we must be grateful. 

Annoying, right?

And self-acceptance is part of that gratitude. 

I have been a giant BLEEP UP in my lifetime. Lawd, the mistakes I have made. There is a reason why some of the most appealing and faithful modern day prophets and spiritual gurus came crawling out of the gutter to proselytize. Faith can clean us up, straighten our spines, build us a conscience, send us on gratitude journeys, heal past wounds, and so much more. 

BLEEP, it might even clear up our skin! 

(that’s kind of a joke and it kind of isn’t - the wonders a lower stress life can do for the physical body)

Self-acceptance - confronting the reality of our BLEEPY, questionable choices that were based in fear, insecurity, low self-esteem, and most importantly, faithlessness - is a really wonderful byproduct of faith.

Acceptance - ubiquitous acceptance - is an integral part of having faith. It is basically letting go and releasing resistance to all things, past, present, future to make room for Good (or God). And part of that is accepting ourselves, including our poor choices or bad behavior.

We cannot pretend like we were killin’ it while completely lacking faith and acting with self-destruction. There is an inherent honesty in admitting that we don’t know BLEEP and we need help. Like, a LOT of it. We don’t have to maintain the lie that we know what we’re doing and we can do it all by ourselves while everything around us is on fire. 

Help comes in the form of patience, prayer, fate, and even, sometimes, the terrible choices of others. That’s the hardest part of keeping the faith - accepting not just ourselves, but everything that happens and has happened, and seeking the Good (or God) in all of it. 

In that act of acceptance, hopefully all of us realize that we don’t have to maintain the lie. We don’t have to keep acting like we know everything and we can handle it all. We don’t have to keep acting like we’ve never made a mistake or we know all the answers. 

What a relief it can be to admit:

I have no idea what the BLEEP I am doing. 

I am so BLEEPING flawed. 

I am BLEEPING terrified. 

I am so BLEEPING lost. 

I need help. 

I BLEEPED up. Big time. 

Are we seeing a theme here? Besides the BLEEPs, I mean.

I may have just listed the six primary fears of modern day humanity. It turns out faith is the answer to all of these things. And it’s actually pretty hard to get to a place of faith if we are unwilling to admit that we are flawed, we don’t have all the answers, we need help, we make mistakes, if we can’t accept that about ourselves. Refusing to admit those things to ourselves is basically the same as saying BLEEP you, God, I’m fine! I can do this by myself! 

I am in the midst of trying to write down the stages of finding faith, and acceptance is one of the very first.

In Twelve Step Programs, it is actually the first: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol/drugs/BLANK - that our lives had become unmanageable.” They cut right to the chase in those programs. They are not messing around. In my personal experience, a little faith, hope, and willingness to believe has to come first, which is basically what brings people to the doors of AA, NA, and Al-Anon (or any other twelve step program). 

But acceptance is basically the same as admitting we are powerless. It’s letting go of the lie that we have it all figured out, or that we can do this alone, or that we have got any of the BLEEPstorm swirling around us under control.

It’s such a lovely moment, too, when we make that admission and start to ask for help. So many of us are in pain and need help, but are scared to admit it. I was once. I think I was also really scared that there wouldn’t be any help.

I’m here to report that there is plenty of help, but only if we’re willing to ask for it and willing to wait for it. Faith slows us down enough to see what Good (or God) will do in our lives without our fearful meddling and counterproductive damage control. 

All we have to do is admit that we are imperfect, release our grip on the lie that we have it all figured out, put our hands together, ask for help, and take a lot of deep breaths while we wait and see what happens. 

Easy, right? 

Maybe not so easy for most of us, otherwise we wouldn’t be here reading this random blog about faith for the faithless, but that becomes the moment when we choose another path.

Asking for help, hands together, either on our knees or sitting in bed or driving a car or on a hike or in a club - just asking - is a gesture in being willing to believe in a better path than the one we are standing on, and accepting that we need help finding it.