Mistakes Will Be Made
Living life with a little faith (or a lot, for that matter) is not all sunshine and roses. We’re all still capable of being complete BLEEP-ups. Having faith is not akin to nor is it a pursuit of becoming a saint. We may still do things that are selfish, inconsiderate, lazy, or otherwise just plain stupid. Those are all pejorative judgments I should probably avoid, but I have to confess I am still doing dumb stuff on a regular basis.
I think maybe the point is that faith goes a long way when it comes to framing and reframing how we live our lives, what we choose to do, and the outcomes of those choices. The point is we are not going to be perfect, nor should we try to be as part of having faith.
When I was much younger, I agonized over mistakes large and small. I did a lot of catastrophizing, probably due to a relatively stressful childhood paired with anxious and ambivalent parents (its funny how those two things often go hand-in-hand). I made myself sick with worry and fear. At some point, I had made so many mistakes (i.e. lived my life), worried so much, and lived for long enough that I realized none of it really mattered so much as to warrant so much agony, and I downshifted into low-grade apathy or ambivalence (which I also do not recommend).
It wasn’t until I read a book two years ago that framed spiritual belief in a way that worked for me and made me believe that faith had a place in my life, too. That book, The Universe Has Your Back, made me believe that I was worthy of God (or Good), too, and I will be eternally grateful to it’s author, Gabby Bernstein.
This relatively new willingness to actively believe in better, in Good or God or call-it-what-you-will, has been a very nice change of pace. I love my life and I look forward to the future, but I am still BLEEPING stuff up all the time. There’s just no way to live life perfectly, but I’m starting to see “mistakes” or “failures” as just unexpected occurrences with (GASP!) possible positive outcomes. I feel like I’m approaching enlightenment (ha!), because it has occurred to me that often my judgment of any error in question is the underlying problem. With contemplation, introspection, and prayer, I find that often the issue isn’t what happened at all, but how I am choosing to place meaning upon it (I’m coming for you, Siddhartha Gautama!).
It turns out many of the occurrences I might’ve labeled as mistakes, disasters, or errors are just life unfolding. Praying about an issue is such an incredibly helpful way to create space between me, my own judgments, and whatever occurred. I can take time to let God (or Good) work in my life and in the circumstances, and just let life play out. It’s striking how effective it is, because it feels like action, active engagement, positive self-regard, advocating for myself, and patience all rolled into one and performed from the safety of my own head, heart, soul, and home.