Earlier today, I was driving around in my rural area marveling at the amount of local construction. Well, marveling isn’t the right word, at least not initially. I was grumbling. Bitching and moaning, even. I was feeling downright irritable about the audacity of the Department of Transportation.

Having faith is hard… and it isn’t. It’s actually kind of annoying how very simple it is, because the struggle without it is so exhausting. I am going through some BLEEP right now, and the cynic in me finds it sort of irritating how having faith in Good is actually helping me get through it.

Lately, I had been doing so gall darn well with all of it. I have so much faith, so much hope for the future, so much excitement for what’s to come, so much love for him, and I could tell that he basically found all this optimism and enthusiasm really BLEEPING annoying.

What is the point in negativity? What does it get me, other than more of the same? The whole point of this exercise (i.e., this writing) is building faith; it is operating as if I have faith in God/Good no matter what and seeing what happens… Pray for me.

Here’s to just walkin’ around, lookin’ around.

Cynics across the world, prepare to throw up on yourselves.

When I was younger, I envied people born into faiths of various kinds. How wonderful it must be to have certain questions answered, to have instructions written down in a text that many others seemed to believe in and follow.

I think a lot of people come to therapy or to faith seeking the same, simple solution. We need and want a mechanism to find peace in the moment. We need a balm we can apply to a stinging, sometimes even burning emotional or mental wound.

This is a log of my attempt to build faith from scratch. To believe in God or Good, whatever you want to call a Higher, Universal Power that believes in me in ways I have yet to believe in myself.