For anyone reading this from a dark place, I can affirm that just the willingness to believe that you are worthy of Good, right from where you are, no matter how bad things have gotten, is all you need. It’s like opening a closed door just a crack to let in some light. Just leave the door open, and see what happens. 

Lately, despite some really heartbreaking circumstances, I have been trying to focus on a simple idea: if God wants someone or something in my life, that means it’s good for me. If that something or someone I am hoping to have around is not in my life, that means it’s not good for me.

So far it’s going… well… good.

For people like me, who were raised to worry, fear, and natter over everything that could possibly go wrong, believing in things working out or going right or people showing up in times of need kind of feels, sounds, and looks like absolute insanity. 

Earlier today, I was driving around marveling at the amount of local construction. Well, marveling isn’t the right word, at least not initially. I was grumbling. BLEEPING and moaning, even. Honestly, I was feeling downright irritable about the audacity of the local Department of Transportation. 

Having faith is hard… and it isn’t. It’s actually kind of annoying how very simple it is, because the struggle without it is so exhausting. When we are going through BLEEP, the cynic within is quick to find faith in Good pretty irritating.

It’s an incredible feeling, being aligned with Good, or God, or the Universe.

What is the point in negativity? What does it get me, other than more of the same? The whole point of this exercise (i.e., this writing) is building faith; it is operating as if I have faith in God/Good no matter what and seeing what happens… Pray for me.

Here’s to just walkin’ around, lookin’ around.

Cynics across the world, prepare to throw up on yourselves.

When I was younger, I envied people born into faiths of various kinds. How wonderful it must be to have certain questions answered, to have instructions written down in a text that many others seemed to believe and follow.

I think a lot of people come to therapy or to faith seeking the same, simple solution. We need and want a mechanism to find peace in the moment. We need a balm we can apply to a stinging, sometimes even burning emotional or mental wound.

This is a log of my attempt to build faith from scratch. To believe in God or Good, whatever you want to call a Higher, Universal Power that believes in me in ways I have yet to believe in myself.